


Benevolence

by haughtytrait



Category: League of Legends
Genre: (more to be added) - Freeform, Ascended Rhaast, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Explicit Sex, Non-explicit relationships, Pining, Voyeurism, fantasies, kayn and rhaast can exist in eachothers minds due to their bond, memory sharing, tenderness? in MY rhaayn content?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-09-28 23:01:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20433890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haughtytrait/pseuds/haughtytrait
Summary: 'Beneath everything - he wanted.It was as simple as he wanted.'Kayn struggles to control his desires after Rhaast allows him to view intimate memories. Rhaast realizes this is an opportunity he simply can't pass up.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey what's up it's me 'i wrote a fic in january saying i was getting back into fic writing then wrote nothing for 8 months' :B. lmao anyway a few months back i fell deep into the league rabbithole but especially this ship because i'm a slut for kayn if anything else
> 
> i originally planned this to be a single chapter fic but i'll be real: it's 3am and i really wanted to get atleast the opening out to motivate me to finish this. i do have the rest of this fic planned out, i know what i want to happen, so i hope you look forward to the next update :D
> 
> please excuse any lore inconsistencies, i'm pretty sure i'm golden but since we're not given much on darkins i kind of had to work with what i had y'know. enjoy!

Over the last 2 years Kayn had lived Shurima's prosperity through Rhaast's decaying memories, on the nights when Rhaast felt particularly merciful and the silence was comfortable rather than frigid. Their conflict was not resolved - never resolved - but over that time they had grown more familiar with one another, both gaining a certain respect for the other they'd never admit to outloud. On this they built a better understanding (of eachother's goals, eachother's minds, and - on the very rare occasion - eachother's bodies). Two great rivers, powerful currents once crashing, now flowing besides eachother in fragile stalemate.

Kayn couldn't recall when he started to take an incorporeal form on the occasion Rhaast allowed him to trespass. Viewing Shurima through billowing sands at first, Rhaast's foggy recollections of shapeless stone architecture, dulled clothing, great curved horns and horizontal slitted pupils across murky water's surface. As their strange bond only strengthened Rhaast gradually allowed Kayn to pry as he pleased. He offered memories like a hunter would bait suspicious pray, intriguing and dangerous. Where Rhaast's memory failed Kayn compensated with what he'd heard, read, seen. He could now feel the groves as he ran his fingers over great stone pillars, deep brilliant silks brushed his bare skin as followed crowded streets, crystal water showed him Rhaast as he appeared thousands of years ago - a towering warrior with tanned tattooed skin, deep rewarding scars and the head of a goat.

A brilliant warrior praised, _ worshipped _. People parted like seas to allow them through, the god warriors, their brilliant golden armour shining so brightly under the sun that even in memories Kayn felt he had to shield his eyes. The sands and skies obeyed them and it was in these memories Kayn fantasized of the Sun Disc framing Rhaast's head like a glorious halo, carrying an empire, it's people and it's supremacy on his broad shoulders.

Many nights he dreamt of himself in Rhaast's place, Rhaast's memories unaffected by Kayn burying himself in the fictitious splender he selfishly created out of them. He would be adored, Shurima's legacy bastardized into an idyllic battleground that was somehow Ionia and Noxus all at once. Kayn would gaze down upon the survivors of war he had won, a tidal of long black hair eclipsing the very moon behind Kayn's head to make it clear - he was all they needed, all they had left. He was Ionia's saviour, Noxus' pariah, and he would watch them grovel to him like starving dogs. He would rise as leader of Zed's order, Zed would finally understand he deserved it, becoming the most powerful man in Ionia - all of Runeterra even. All those who tended to this great land would see no man (or beast) better to carry Ionia's supremacy into a new age, all who had dared oppose it would line up and offer their trembling throats to a merciless god.

With an entire life of discipline, of control, Kayn should have been able to tame these fantasies. He knew he was fated for ascension, to hold Runeterra in his hand, but he woke up from these nights feeling - wrong. Rhaast had undoubtedly had an effect on him. He was an acolyte of the order, Zed's finest, _ Ionia's _ finest. He held a Darkin in his hands, knew the recesses of his mind, had seduced the great evil into gifting him information no mere human should ever hold. It was childish to bury himself in delusions of grandeur, pathetic that they came from the life of someone else, someone long since dead and who Kayn would take great pleasure in killing again. It was wrong, made him feel sick with contempt over his own weakness, but Kayn didn't know himself as well as he claimed. Beneath everything, the hard metal plating embedded in his very flesh, the shadows forever massacring one another in his soul, the unrelenting grip of stained darkin fingers that threatened to rip his very core from his flesh - he wanted.

It was as simple as he wanted. He never had to fill in the expressions in Rhaast's memories, the adoring, longing, _yearning_ of Shuriman followers - his worshippers. How they swayed to his very hands, desired his strength, his body. Rarely Kayn would pry too deep when Rhaast was too distracted to realize. He'd find himself reliving these moments, watching through Rhaast's eyes. Rhaast returning to his chambers with someone - usually men - who gazed up at him - at _Kayn _\- with so much adoration it made Kayn's chest ache and his mouth dry. He'd cling to the scene with trembling hands as the desperate men would Rhaast's robes, seeking out their desire in the faded lantern light of a distant recollection. Sometimes - Kayn supposed when the partner had been particularly memorable, outlined in light as the only thing Rhaast cared to remember - he'd get to watch them strip, laying themselves out before Rhaast as offerings. He'd watch them beg, reach out, plead for Rhaast's touch, for his kiss, for anything _oh please please I'll do anything I love you I adore you please-_

And then as if the door had been slammed on him Kayn would be swiftly yanked out of Rhaast's mind and left in the dark, disorientated and burning to miss Rhaast retreating deep into the recesses of his soul, seething. Early on Kayn had been mortified. Mortified he had been caught attempting to watch Rhaast- _ accept offerings _ , trying to defend himself that no he had not wanted to _ watch _ and how _ dare _ Rhaast expose him to such, and had Rhaast wanted to make Kayn jealous? Rhaast hadn't answered him, perhaps burying himself so deeply inside his own mind he couldn't hear Kayn at all, and that somehow made Kayn feel worse.

Rhaast never purposely showed him his partners, Kayn didn't think so, but Kayn continued to want. He could at least accept it now, why he chose to remain during these intimate times pasted on the edges of other memories, nights after heroics battles. In all his 20 years of life Kayn had done his best not to let himself desire, forcing himself to associate any as distraction, to feel ashamed that something as simple as _ carnal desires _ could distract him from his goals. His awkward development from war and training helped, never giving him ample opportunity to explore his sexuality and so like a curious teenager caught peeping he was taught through observing.

It awakened a need Kayn never allowed, watching these men and woman, hot, flushed, mouths open, tongues out, panting for mercy in a way Kayn was enthralled by. As before Kayn began to try and place himself in these memories, imagining his first person perspective replaced by Rhaast himself - maybe to get a better view? It was difficult, not as accustomed to these types of memories let alone situations, so he focused on what he could hear and sculpted the fantasies around that. The pleading, gasping, panting, Rhaast's deep almost mocking laugh watching his partners become undone before he even started. Kayn recalled how it felt when Rhaast helped this man strip, found himself imagining how Rhaast's hands felt on the man's thighs as he slid the robe up instead of how it felt to Rhaast. The closest he got to imagining being touched. This was recurring now and Kayn tried not to think too deeply about when his perspective had changed from being the one in control.

It was that loss of focus on his control that Rhaast latched onto. Kayn's fantasies were no secret to him, his morbid curiosity on what Kayn wanted with his memories becoming genuine interest after he finally started paying attention. The grandeur was one thing, Rhaast didn't particularly care for it, whilst he'd encouraged Kayn to revel in slaughter in their time together his dreams of battlefield were ironically never particularly gory. Maybe he'd have a Noxian general gut themselves before him, a line of soldiers taking turns laying their necks above Rhaast's curved blade, giving Kayn that momentary power high. That was the height of it. No, it was when he caught Kayn inside one of _ those _ memories that things got interesting.

At first he was burning, furious for letting his guard down, allowing Kayn to pry too deep (in an attempt to find weakness?). After the second time, and then the third, Rhaast stayed. He stayed and he felt through Kayn, dipping his claw into Kayn's fantasy world just enough Kayn wouldn't notice - and he laughed. He felt rather than saw Kayn shiver, the deep rumble of his voice coupled with the fantasy gifting Rhaast just the edge he needed on the otherwise unshakeable assassin. Outside of his - _ their _ \- intimate moments almost nothing was different, aside from Kayn hiding Rhaast away more often at night but Rhaast with great difficulty never commented. He found game in Kayn's fantasies now, enjoying Kayn attempting to remain in his mind as long as possible before he was inevitably pulled back out and neither ever made a comment outside their usual sharp quips accusing eachother of being the pervert.

Rhaast would wait until he knew Kayn was asleep before he pictured him in his chambers, an offering, a prize he would revel in taking apart. It was an offhand night he delved once more into Kayn's dreams, having given up before due to the tameness but returning on curiosity. It further confirmed their common interest beautifully. What he found was Kayn on his back across soft sheets, legs spread and a Shuriman guard's head buried between thighs. On either side he had a priestess, one rubbing his chest and kissing his neck whilst the other held his jaw and moved her lips with Kayn's own. The edges of the fantasy were soft and blurred, so new and unique in Kayn's corrupted mind. It'd been years since he'd subconsciously indulged this way, maybe one of the first times ever he'd dreamt so vividly of such things. Rhaast realized with a sharp thrill he could probably appear to Kayn in all his monstrous glory right now, have the assassin look up at him like in their fantasies _ please, please- _

But he didn't. For now he retreated into the bitter chill of the monastery, leaving Kayn to sleep, to dream. Rhaast has endured millennia of waiting, what was a little longer whilst he formulated a plan, clutched tightly in Kayn's hands whilst he slept? Rhaast's single molten eye blinked lazily in the darkness of the room, bathing Kayn in red that caught the sweat dripping down his heaving chest. Watching Kayn softly writhe and pant, muted by deep sleep, he thought. Who was he, if not a benevolent god, to gift a starving acolyte everything he desired.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...yeah! 2 chapters has been changed to 3. everytime i read through what i had so far it felt right to have a cut off here and i figured releasing some more was a good idea to keep myself motivated to finish this.
> 
> yet again, please enjoy!

Several nights passed without anything eventful. Perhaps Kayn was finally becoming aware of the consequences of his continuous indulgence. He was no god warrior - not yet - he had no army at his beck and call, no Noxian's holding out their still beating hearts for him to brutally devour. Several times he had woken up in the dead of night, red light still smouldering on the edge of his eyelids, breathing hard and hopelessly aroused. He didn't have to sleep much, could run very long on very little if he conserved himself as Zed had taught him. Sleepless nights were quickly wearing on him though, unable to rest after waking up in such a state but too ashamed to relieve the pressure himself. He had been under strict order to remain in the monastery until summoned for too long. With little to do except train alone in the courtyards or wander familiar halls Kayn found solace shutting himself inside his room. He had far too much time to think.

Kayn grew paranoid - Rhaast didn't help. Why had his master confined him to Kinkou's walls for this long? It wasn't rare for Zed to expect Kayn to bide his time, spend it training and meditating to strengthen his will, his mind under not only the oppressive forbidden shadow magic but now the darkin's onslaught. Had he not proved himself though? Two years he had wielded Rhaast's mighty blade, his confidence (arrogance) only strengthening as he channeled his magic with ancient ascended power, sapped from Rhaast in concentrated doses. He only continued to grow, Kayn knew that, so why did Zed pretend that he did not see it.

"You're _ still _ moping?" Rhaast drawled from Kayn's side, leant against the wall by his bed. Kayn had abandoned him there hours ago, after trying and failing to lose himself in meditation. It infuriated him. He had not for years struggled to focus, not like this. He was far more disciplined now, so why-

Kayn turned his back on Rhaast, facing the wall in sullen silence. After a long pause, with only the rain drumming against the window outside, Rhaast broke it with a scoff - unimpressed. "Be like that then." Kayn shut his eyes tight, brow furrowed and tried to drown it all out. He had gotten too careless, again disgusted with his freshly persistent weakness. His heart had been torn out so long ago, left to splutter and rot in the Epool River. Without one he could never trivialise himself with feelings of affection, or love, or _ lust _. They were useless to him and like anything without use in his ascension he would cast it aside. Thanks to Zed Kayn had grown up to be a patient man. If these feelings wouldn't simply dissipate with sleepless nights and insistent avoidance of the catalyst, Kayn would wait them out. Or he'd go mad shut up in his room without any outlet, whichever came first.

Kayn jumped, ripped from his thoughts abruptly, a cold sharp sensation dragging slowly down his spine. He meant to leap up from the bed but found his limbs unfathomably heavy, barely able to strain his head up from the sheets to escape. He groaned low and arched, what had felt like a blade he now understood to be claws moving carefully down his back. With great struggle he managed to turn and crane his neck, spying Rhaast watching him. His one eye was wide open, bottom lid pulled up with glee as Kayn glared at him through his hair.

"Cease this." Kayn gritted out, the sensation more irritating than painful - if painful at all. He arched again when metallic claws scraped his lower back, one moving in an arc like a thumb tracing his skin, inhaling sharply. A deep rumbling laugh echoed in the forefront of his mind and Kayn frowned, heat rising in his face. With the dim light in the room Kayn could see how Rhaast's was so much brighter, fire visibly smoldering inside groves of his handle. Kayn held his gaze, his vision slowly tunnelling to center on the deep crimson sclera that seemed to consume the light from the rest of the room. The sensation of Rhaast's 'touch' intensified and despite trying to resist Kayn's heavy muscles relented, laying down again on the sheets with a sigh. Not only his head but his consciousness felt heavy, Rhaast's presence in his mind filling it like a dull fog.

Kayn watched, eyes hooded as red light danced across his barren wall. When Rhaast would blink the light would only dull for a moment, kept alive by the molten beneath his metallic exterior. "But why? I'm helping you relax." Rhaast answered and if Kayn had not known him better he would think he was reassuring him - maybe he was, Kayn struggled to decipher any malicious intent beneath. He drew his shoulders up, breath deepening gradually as Rhaast continued to- Kayn couldn't describe it any other way than 'caress'. The burn in his face rivalled the blade, suddenly out of his depth once more. It was too intimate.

Rhaast hummed - almost purred - hearing Kayn's breath shutter as he slid his touch upwards and scratched gently between his shoulder blades, at the back of his neck, into the base of his hair. Sometime ago this would be unheard of, only able to accomplish now due to the depth of their bond. Kayn had experienced these sensations before at a lower level. The ghost of claws around his bicep, his wrist, his throat. Sometimes suffocating heat at his back, against his front - Rhaast standing against him without a physical body. Not long after they'd be united, in the dead of night, Rhaast would keep Kayn awake or attempt to distract him during meditation. Kayn still remembered feeling hot breath on the back of his neck, the shell of his ear as the Darkin tried in vein to seduce him, promising him such incredible power and strength if he would only _ relent. _

Remembering such times made Kayn shudder and for a horrible moment he thought: if Rhaast used those tactics now, would Kayn truly have the resolve to resist his promises?

"You've been avoiding me." Rhaast interrupted, his voice softer than Kayn was used to but so much louder all the same. His voice was everywhere in Kayn's head, silencing his thoughts, had he let him in too close? Kayn, unable to truly worry, let out a slow breath. His head turned into the bed, the apparition of fingers running soothingly through his hair. He'd let it down from his braid when he'd come to lay down, inky black spilling behind him over the bed. "You don't ask for me anymore."

Kayn's brow furrowed, taking longer to register Rhaast's words who upon realizing this drew back just enough to let him think, let him breathe. "I- ask for you?" Kayn questioned, biting pride always present. He didn't _ ask _ for anything, he took and he demanded and he-

"For my memories." Rhaast supplied and Kayn opened his eyes. The room was pitch black apart from the ever flickering red light, though it didn't evoke the same sense of dread it once did all those months ago. It was warm.

Kayn opened his mouth then closed it, closed his eyes as well to shut out the light. It still smouldered on his eyelids, it was inside his head. "Did you see something?" The pressure subsided in Kayn's hair and ran down the back of his neck like a palm, burning claws coming to wrap around his shoulder. They dug in, carefully, and Kayn relented to let his heavy body be rolled onto its back. The light was brighter now against his closed eyelids, the grip on his shoulder remaining. The other hand settled on his collarbone, sliding up to cup the side of his neck. It was careful, almost curious. "Something that scared you." In that moment Kayn would have preferred it if the hand was choking him.

"I fear nothing." Kayn hissed, produced like clockwork. It felt harder to breath, the longer Kayn stayed compliant in Rhaast's hands the hotter the air around him seemed to become. Accompanying the sensation of the mattress sinking the hot air solidified, taking form above him, besides his thighs like someone was kneeling there. The light was so bright on the back of his eyelids Kayn expected to be able to open them and immediately have his own boring into the Rhaast's. He knew if he tried Rhaast would be gone.

Rhaast idled himself with Kayn's body, their connection so deep - deeper than it had possibly ever been awake. The whole scene was bathed in red, not quite solid, like he was seeing and reaching into water, blurred at the corners, viewing as if through his curved plated eye from above. Rhaast could still _ feel _ the warmth of Kayn's skin against his palms so surely, his knees sinking into his mattress and the barest whisper of breath on his face as Kayn continued. "You know what I saw." Rhaast watched Kayn shift beneath him, voice quiet. He felt the barest swell of Kayn's chest when he slid his hand up and cupped his jaw. A single metal claw brushed Kayn's bottom lip, head tilted into a smouldering palm. The tenseness in his face had almost completely faded. "You showed me."

In the ensuing silence Kayn became aware of everything slowly, perfectly. The warmth surrounding him all encompassing and soothing the ache of exhaustion, the slow dulling sense of being in his own head, the metal presence of Rhaast's touch grounding. It felt strange, he’d never been touched like this, never so intimate (and there was that word again). His breathing was deepening gradually, he wanted with his fading consciousness to reach up and feel - wrap his hand around Rhaast's arm with the hand still holding his jaw. Rhaast's presence in his head was waves, lapping gently and filling it gradually. Against his forehead Kayn felt the slow press of metal plating. "Let me show you again."

Kayn continued to fight sleep even when every muscle in his body was begging _ no, give in. _ He wished he could see Rhaast, tilting his head the slightest bit so his nose could brush the ridged metal of his face. It was off, Rhaast having to meet the action halfway to create any sort of contact. Rhaast didn’t speak but he hummed low, purring. It made heat bloom in Kayn’s chest in a strange way and he raised his hand slowly, his human one, laying it open beside his head as an invitation. “Will you pull me out again before it ends?”

Iron fingers brushed Kayn’s, slotting between his and a palm pressed to his own. “If that’s what you want.” Rhaast answered. Kayn’s hand curled over Rhaast’s, sealing their agreement without anymore hesitation.

Kayn’s hand was lifted to the corner of the bed and it took Kayn a moment to understand. He didn’t want to move, groaning despite his compliance. He reached out until his fingers brushed Rhaast’s handle, curling his hand around it firmly. As he settled back onto the bed, careful to not risk jolting the apparition, Rhaast’s presence became denser. Kayn shivered despite Rhaast’s heat, the broad darkin chest pressing against Kayn’s own, the hand on his jaw tilting his head so Rhaast could press his face into Kayn’s neck.

“Don’t let go of me.” Rhaast murmured, breath washing over Kayn’s already flushed skin. Kayn took a deep breath and let it out slow, corners of his lips curling up. He caressed his thumb over the handle, a last whisper slipping from his lips as sweet oblivion claimed him.

“Never.”

**Author's Note:**

> kudos/comments are appreciated! 💕


End file.
